May 12, 2019

Dear Babies,

Today is Mother’s Day! And I can’t help but sit and reflect how blessed I truly am to be your mama! I have grown so much as a person since I became a mama, and I love being a mama so much. It was what I was meant to do, I can feel it. I’m so grateful for Mother’s Day and for me to reflect on how truly blessed I am. I don’t need gifts or treats (although, that is ALWAYS nice!) to remind me of how blessed I am. I can’t believe how lucky I got with not only an amazing husband, but adorable children as well. And although I have yet to meet my youngest, I just have a feeling they will be amazing, too. Thank you, little ones, for making this mama proud and happy. Happy Mother’s Day to me!

To my oldest:

Can you say terrible twos? Although you haven’t hit that milestone yet (just two more months!) you have definitely started to show the attitude of a two year old. Some days are very tiring and it’s definitely hard to be patient. But I just try to put myself in your shoes. And I know, life isn’t always fair. I too sometimes want to cry and scream when I don’t get my way. I understand. You won’t always be in this phase and I know the saying, ‘the days are long but the years are short’ is all too true. I want you to stay my little baby forever. But, that’s not reality or possible. You are so amazing and so smart. So, I will be patient for you. I will hold you when you cry and let you tell me what’s wrong. You usually calm down and tell me what’s wrong and then you’re well on your way to being happy.

I really appreciate how polite you are! You sometimes say ‘please’ but you almost always say ‘thank you’! And it’s quite honestly the cutest thing I’ve seen.

I’m starting to prepare for your SECOND birthday? How on earth did I give birth to you almost two years ago! I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun. It’s been such an amazing two years, you are my favorite little almost two year old!

I can see it now, you’re going to be such an amazing big brother! You have such a sweet heart (even though you’re in the terrible twos stage) and you really do show me the world with different eyes. I’m so happy to be your mama, you keep growing and you keep learning. Together, we’re going to do amazing things. You are so special and so loved, don’t ever forget it.

To my youngest:

This past week we got to SEE you on the ultrasound machine! We were able to see you wiggle and kick and even give us a thumbs up! Oh, and one other very important thing…we found out what gender you are! And……….YOU’RE A GIRL! A girl! I can’t believe it! I had this feeling for a while that I was going to have a girl, I couldn’t shake it. And I thought to myself, ‘if she isn’t a girl…I’m not sure what I’ll do!’. Then the ultrasound technician asked me if we wanted to find out gender and I said, ‘yes!’ and she asked if I had a guess. I told her I thought you were a girl…then after about 2 seconds she said, ‘you’re right! You’re having a girl’.

I’m so excited and may have already started planning what I want you to wear, all the pictures I’ll take of you, the bows I will put on your head (against my own mother’s wishes, I bet). I am so excited to have a girl! I do have to admit, though…I thought for sure I was going to be a complete boy mom. I’m glad that’s not the case!

Now I have to start collecting girl stuff (since I have NOTHING because of your older brother), figure out a middle name for you, and buy some things for the nursery. To say that I have a lot to do is an understatement…I still have to pinch myself sometimes, I can’t believe you’re joining our family! You are so loved, little girl. We’re all so excited to meet you and snuggle you. I can’t wait to see what you’ll look like – will you look like me and your older brother? Or will you look like your daddy? Will you have brown hair like your brother? Or blonde? Or maybe that reddish tint from your daddy’s side? I can’t wait to see what your little nose will look like, what your eyes and ears and mouth will look like!

But, to be honest, I of course can wait for you to grow and develop. Please come at the right time, when you are fully developed. I want to meet you so bad, but I can be patient (thanks to big brother!). You keep growing and developing like you’re supposed to. You’re perfect, little honey. You make me so happy.

I am also happy about the possibility of giving birth at a birth center! Some things have to line up perfectly for this to happen, but I have faith that if it’s meant to be, we will meet you there! It’s the closest I’ll get to a home birth. Although I really enjoyed your brothers birth, there were a few things that I’d like to change, and I feel these changes will happen at the birth center. I’m excited and I hope it happens!

Thank you both for making me a mother, for showing me how to love more, and for giving me a new purpose in life.

I love you both so much.

Love, Mama